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Weekend FTB: What’s your humorous realistic yet pessimistic Leafs take?

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Because it’s the Leafs

NHL: MAY 29 Stanley Cup Playoffs First Round - Maple Leafs at Canadiens Photo by David Kirouac/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

If you’re like me, being a Leafs fan is 99% pessimism and 1% blind faith.

None of this is illogical or unwarranted, and if you need proof, that accursed documentary is coming out in October (watch at your own discretion). It goes beyond your prototypical playoff collapse, there’s also the “If you’re from Ontario, you’re having a good game” clause, the “If you need to break a slump, play the Leafs policy” and the most recent, “If you try something completely wacky, it will only work against Toronto” law.

Prime example: the Florida Panthers decided to play defenceman Mark Pysyk on February 3rd of 2020. And as the universe would have it, not only would it work, but it would go beyond the parameters of normal work. Mark Pysyk scored his first career hat-trick.

Funny, isn’t it? I mean, with all the filth we’ve seen, at some point you have to laugh. Which brings me to Joe Thornton and his eventual sixth career hat-trick against the Leafs on March 27th that wins the game in overtime and propels the Leafs out of a playoff spot.

You know it’s happening. There’s no point in denying it, and when it does, it’ll be hilarious.

Anyway, that’s my humours realistic yet pessimistic take for the Leafs next season? The funniest will get a laughing emoji followed by an elipsis of despair.

In Case You Missed It

2021 Top 25 Maple Leafs Under 25: Honourable Mentions - PPP
This year’s list of eligible players who got some votes, just not enough votes, is interesting.

7:00 PM start time on opening day, who woulda thought?

Around the Hockey World

NHL to require everyone that interacts with club personnel to be vaccinated
Good

Jumbo Joe has a new home.

Rick Westhead: Former Blackhawks coach gives investigators account of player abuse allegations - TSN
Don't let them get away with it.

Colorado Avalanche Top 25 Under 25: No. 18 Alex Beaucage - Mile High Hockey
To quote Brigs, Mikhail Abramov but better

Two members of the 2011 Cup team have new roles with the Bruins - Stanley Cup of Chowder
Getting the band back together!

Wild star Kirill Kaprizov is busy working out in the rain - Hockey Wilderness
But is he going to rain on Minnesota's parade and stay in the KHL?

Flyers prospect Zayde Wisdom out indefinitely after shoulder surgery - Broad Street Hockey
Dang it...

Report: Rangers to hire Ryan Martin as assistant GM, GM of Wolf Pack - Blueshirt Banter
The Blueshirts fill a big vacancy in the front office

And this, presented without comment...