The Leafs flew all the way to Vegas and went bust at the tables. Here's my recap of the Leafs losing 5-2 to the Golden Knights.

First Period

Oh, lovely. Another one of these 10:00 p.m. games. Why do I always get stuck recapping them? I demand to speak to the manager of this ranch! It's bad enough dealing with all the radioactive kittens around here, and now I'm on the graveyard shift again. Wait, you people didn't know the kittens were radioactive? Yeah, you really shouldn't be petting them.

OK let's go. Here's the Leafs Lines for tonight. Joe Woll starts in the net.

Ummmm. Can we drop the puck already? This game is starting late enough. It's already 10:20 and we're still on pre-game interviews and blabber? Come on.

Finally, at 10:23, the game begins. AND WE HAVE A FIGHT! It's Knies vs. Whitecloud and there's some history there.

And there it is. Vegas scores first.

But then the Leafs turn the tables and draw a tripping call from Vegas and they get on the power play. The first unit gets several good looks, but the second gets hemmed in to the boards and there's no goal.

They are playing the music for the Price is Right Cliff Hangers game right now in the arena, and this might mean the Leafs about to go off the cliff.

(Narrator) And they did.

(Narrator) And they did again, thanks to Crocodile Dundee taking a penalty.

So then Woll gets the (Australian) boot and Stolarz comes in to hopefully save the day?

The first period mercifully ends at 11:07. Can we call the game now so I can go to bed? No? OK, where's my vodka bottle.

Second Period

It's now 11:26... why has this period not started yet?!? Oh, finally here we go. Again.

Oh that was fast, and of course we get the obligatory "Hanifin hasn't scored in 22 games"

Anyway, what exactly is Yamok Sauce made from, and why is it such a popular condiment in the 24th century: things I am thinking about right now rather than this stupid game. Can you please start scoring again, Auston, or I'm gonna need to drink a whole bottle of Kanar to get through this.

Oh, hey, a Leafs power play again. Let's see what happens.... Nothing.

And then Vegas scores again... but wait is it goalie interference?

(Narrator) And it wasn't.

Should I bother continuing with this? I am questioning my life choices right now as I signed up for this again next Monday when the Leafs play the Utah Utahs, which is mercifully the last 10:00 p.m. game of the season. At least for that one, knowing Mormons, they will get the game started precisely on time, unlike these heathens in Vegas.

So stuff is happening in the game but I'm not really taking notes now because, oh, wait.
OWWWWWWWW!

Oh, hey, a Leafs power play again. Let's see what happens.... and wow, finally, Auston heard me!

And the period ends with the Leafs down 5-1 at 12:04 a.m. and me on my next glass of vodka, straight, with lime, and that means like a whole lime. I don't understand these bars that serve drinks with a wedge of one-sixth of a lime. Give me the big wedge of that delicious sourness! It's not like citrus fruits are expensive. Well... at least not until the tariffs come into effect.

Third Period

The third begins at 12:23 a.m.. Who authorised this schedule?

Do you think Klingons would make good hockey players? I mean, obviously they would dominate physically, but could a Klingon ever learn to skate?

What is this Bodyarmor stuff they are all drinking on the benches now? Is it the new Gatorade? I say we boycott it because it's not spelled Canadian as Bodyarmour.

The game is so boring the broadcast is now focusing on some random guy in a Leafs jersey who has fallen asleep in his seat.

Wait... what, oh the Leafs scored again? OMG. Big thanks to Omar for actually staying up to make GIFs for this game.

Still plenty of time for a shootout... oh, no there isn't, but Domi is trying really hard to pretend that he can pass and get one more goal.

Post-Game

It's finally over. 12:55 a.m. At least no Leafs were injured?

Obligatory nod here to Gord Miller and Mike Johnson who have excellent chemistry calling games. They know exactly how to do it and are one of the best duos right now, and they somehow got through this one without breaking down and screaming in anger at the Leafs.

Here's the shot plot at even-strength for the game.

The Leafs' next game is on Saturday against the Avalanche so you have a few days to let your brain forget this one ever happened as they climb to the Mile High City.

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