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More horrors of Toronto Maple Leafs merchandise

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I’m sorry to share this with you, one last time.

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Tree man is back!
shop.nhl.com

Occasionally I get bored and look up what terrible stuff they’ve slapped the Maple Leafs logo onto.

Well, I did it again. Here’s to your nightmares.

I’ve showcased this monstrosity before, but yes, it’s still around because no one is buying it for some reason. If you want to you can, for only $24.99. Hurry! There’s only one left!

You know, I may buy it, wander deep into the woods along the Bruce Trail and stick it on some random tree.


Do you still have a mailbox on the side of the road? Do you still get mail? Well, if you do, treat your mailbox right and get it it’s own Maple Leafs jersey. No wild teens will take a bat to this baby. Only $19.99 and earn $0.45 in fan cash!


It’s a crime to step on the team logo in the dressing room, but it’s okay to step on it in your garden? I can’t follow these unwritten rules. Someone needs to write them down. Only $30 per stone to make Don Cherry pop a vessel in rage.


I have nothing clever to say, this is a $300 cooler.


Looking at this item can you guess what it is? Some wall art? Maybe a Maple Leafs branded tile for your bathroom? No, it’s a bluetooth speaker. It’s neat looking, it’s kinda cool. Maybe I’d get that. What’s that you say? It’s $300. Oh. I’ll just stick my phone in a mug instead.


If you tailgate you’ll know this game. Cornhole (stop giggling) is a standard for barbeques and tailgating. Most sets are made of plywood and scraps from the lumber yard and will run you probably $30. Maybe some paint too if you want a DIY logo. What do the classier fans do? Your Emily and Richard Gilmores? Well for you we have a “rosewood” (plywood) cornhole set with an impeccable smooth finish, regulation bean bags, and of course officially licensed logo. The cost? Only $250.


You just spent $300 on a cornhole set but do you really want to play with just some standard bean bags? Hell no. Drop $50 on some Maple Leafs branded bags instead!


Everyone loves their kids. Some people will spend thousands of dollars on a stroller that can withstand a side impact of 50km/h while others just toss some Styrofoam packing peanuts into an old shopping cart and call it a day. I do hope to believe no one would spend $150 on a novelty sized ruler.


Ah the year 2000. We thought all the computers were going to rise up and murder us. Nortel Networks tricked Ottawa into thinking it would be Canada’s silicon valley, and the All-Star game was in Toronto. Who wouldn’t want to revisit that game with a novelty sized ticket to the event? For only $90 you can!

True story, the first CDs I ever bought were from my first paycheque as a teen and were at a Future Shop. It was the soundtrack to the 2000 All Star Game and Great Big Sea’s Play. I have no idea why I bought the sound track, I wasn’t a huge hockey fan at the time.


When you need cufflinks it’s usually a fancy occasion. Weddings, charity balls, a party at a billionaire playboy’s mansion that is just a set piece for a dramatic boss battle. So why not take the class down a notch and wear cufflinks made out of hockey pucks? Then you take that class back up by wearing cufflinks made out of hockey pucks that cost almost $200.

I’ve also shown these before, and two years ago they were advertised as “few left!”. Either they only bought like, 12 of these things to sell or no one has bought any in years.


Thank you for going on this journey with me once again. If you would like to find your own horror, you can click here to go to the Fanatics NHL shop. If you would like to donate any of these items to myself, you can email me and get a shipping address. I like an XL jersey, because I’m a hoodie under jersey guy.