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From the Branches: Finally, a new opponent

Also, can I interest you in a Frederik Gauthier practice jersey?

Toronto Maple Leafs v Columbus Blue Jackets - Game Four
You too could buy the jersey Auston’s wearing in this photo for the low low price of “all the money”
Photo by Mark Blinch/NHLI via Getty Images

The Toronto Maple Leafs are playing the Montreal Canadiens tonight, which is at least a pleasant change from the Senators. I’m not sure I’m emotionally equipped for playing the same team three games in four nights in the regular season, but now we get to move on to a different team we hate, so it’s all good.

Meanwhile! RealSports is running an auction of various game-worn and game-used Leafs gear and equipment, and it’s hilarious. Moving past the Auston Matthews jersey that was already well over $10,000 as of Friday evening, there are so many more delights to be discovered. Frederik Gauthier’s practice jersey! Nick Robertson’s game-worn gloves! If you bid on this Tyson Barrie game-used jersey, it comes with free team-used socks. This is the one time in human history that adding in sweaty, used socks from some anonymous member of a hockey team is supposed to be a perk. Are there really people who are on the fence about spending hundreds of dollars on a game-worn jersey and then they read about the used socks and think “well, in THAT case”? If there are, please do not, under any circumstances, tell me about them.

The real fun here comes in the auction’s “Miscellaneous” section, where you can bid on stuff like a Leafs traveling trunk used by the equipment staff and a used coaches’ rink board (which comes with a lanyard and coach’s whistle, perfect for annoying the crap out of partners, neighbors, and pets). The trunk is actually super cool, and is the one item from this auction I would consider buying if I had money (which, to be clear, I do not). It looks ideal for either a) using as a bench/storage combination to save space in a small apartment OR b) stashing the body of your dead husband who you’ve murdered to steal his fortune. It’s very multipurpose! Please tell me it does not come with socks.

ICYMI

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