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The Horrors of Maple Leafs Merchandise: Justin Bieber edition

I’m sorry but you’re asking how much for what?

UFC 263: Craig v Hill Photo by Jeff Bottari/Zuffa LLC

Have you ever had that moment when you had to ask your self if you’ve finally crossed over from the age where you understand fads and you know all of the hip kids out there who are doing the music and clothing and tiktoks that the youth love?

I don’t, because I’ve always been a 40 year old dad at heart and never understood what anyone was talking about when I was supposed to be “with it”. I am, and forever will be, Steve Buscemi from 30 Rock:

In the past I’ve scrolled through the NHL Shop and picked out the terrible, terrible, items that they have officially slapped the Maple Leafs logo on and shared them with you.

Yesterday, the Maple Leafs announced a collaboration with Justin Biebers clothing line “Drew House”, which prompted a lot of people to ask “Who’s Drew House?”.

Drew House is Justin Biebers clothing line. I said that the sentence before you asked. He and Auston Matthews have become the best of friends since Matthews’ debut with the Maple Leafs and the two can be seen out on the town with each other in the off-season.

I went to the Drew House website and the “about” section is a shaky-cam looping video with an 8mm film filter on over it of someone handwriting some inspirational nonsense. Great, very helpful in explaining why a sweatshirt is $115.

So the Maple Leafs and the Beebz, as old man adults call him, got together to produce some limited edition “Leafs x Drew” clothing.

What is this “thing x thing” that's always happening now? Are they being multiplied?

I’m a curious person so I clicked the link and wow, those are some clothes.

So, we have the Drew logo slapped on the Leafs logo. I really hope whoever designed these things didn’t hurt their back reaching for the jar labelled “creativity”. A “secret” collection that's being plastered all over the internet.

Maybe it’s the lack of fashion sense in me, or maybe I looked up to the Scrooge from the Canadian Tire commercials too much, but why?

The sweatpants, which say Drew on one leg, and have an admittedly adorable Carlton the Bear on them, are $258. Listen, I’m no snob; I love a good sweatpant, but if I had $258 dollars to spend on them you know I’m heading to Old Navy and picking up 10 pairs of them for that price. If you really want a Maple Leafs pair, you can get three pair of fancy Roots sweats with a Leafs logo on them for $260.

The sweaters cost just as much as the sweatpants, but I really have to call out the gall of these people for charging $100 for a white t-shirt. You can’t wear that to watch the Leafs, because eventually you or someone will get beer, ketchup, chocolate, blood on it and then it’s ruined. Keep white t-shirts underneath light coloured dress shirts where they belong.

I was also going to yell at the socks - one pair for $20 - but I’ve spent that much on socks. They were waterproof winter insulated socks to wear at work though, and I doubt these are anything but fruit of the looms with a logo slapped on them.

I’m going to complain, but hey, you do you. You want a thousand dollar sweatsuit? Fine, be a hipster Paulie Walnuts. You go ahead and buy them. What? Or yeah, you can’t.

You see you select your items and then you’re entered into a lottery to find out if you get your stuff. This is a clever trick to drive up prices, force scarcity, and encourage a secondary market where half the buyers are just trying to flip the items, preying on people who actually want these things. “Oh Adam, sneaker companies do this all the time!” Yes, and sneaker collectors are absolute weirdos for loving that world.

The final kick to the groin on this whole adventure is that you have to go to the Real Sports store in the Scotiabank Arena in person to pick up your items. If you’re a big Bieber and Leaf fan out in Nova Scotia, I hope you enjoy the extra couple grand it’ll cost you to come pick up your hat. Hell, I live an hour train ride away and why would I go all that way for some pants?

I don’t understand any of what's happening, and I’m mad at the Maple Leafs for making me feel this way. Don’t buy this stuff, it will only encourage them to do it again. NHL merchandise is already overpriced, we don’t want teams to think their t-shirts need to be $100. Stand up for yourselves! Don’t play their games!

That Carlton plushie is awfully cute though......

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